Dan Vs. Joe
by Kairi 'Shadow Sage' Taylor
Summary: A story I had posted on the GameFAQS message board. The master ofSaikyo Ryu fights one of the Garou Dessetsu team members...& all hell breaks loose.


Dan vs Joe

Dan vs. Joe

By Kairi Taylor

This is something I came up with on the GameFAQS message board. I think you'll enjoy it. I did this under another persona (Strider Taylor) so bear with it.

Shopping District in Japan, 4:23 pm  
  
Sakura sighed in slight annoyance as he made his way to her. She couldn't believe that he was having his match in the same place she hung out after school with Kei & Hinata, but for reasons unknown it just HAD to be there. "Kami-sama, why me?" she muttered as the man in the pink gi strolled her way to her.  
"Oi, Sakura-chan!" Dan smiled as he stood next to her. "Fancy seeing you here! So, I guess you heard about my big match today, eh?"  
"I'm only here by coincidence." she huffed.   
Dan had enjoyed some mild success with his own dojo after finally defeating Sagat (well, just barely: both had actually gone on for one full hour & Sagat was knocked out by Dan only after Dan had taunted him one too many times. This led to Sagat rushing in for one last hit & Dan connecting with a surprise uppercut to his chin.) Although Dan was a decent fighter, he was flashier & considered a rather average fighter among many martial artists. After meeting up with his old friend Ryu, Dan decided to try to be a little more serious. In other words, lessen the taunting by 20%.  
"Sure, right. Or maybe you were hoping to see...RYU?" Dan snickered, making kissy sounds.  
"Damn it, I DON'T LIKE HIM LIKE THAT!" Sakura growled, blushing as she grabbed him by the collar of his gi. "Do that again & there won't be anything left of your opponent to wipe his feet on, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"  
A sweat drop formed on Dan's head. He knew what kind of a fighter Sakura had become; hell he tried to recruit her for his dojo himself. Of course, after the countless times she whooped him, he decided not to. "Ok, ok calm down." he smiled. Straighting his gi, he said, "Your fixation on Ryu is rather unhealthy. Besides, wouldn't you rather date that kid you told me about...was his name Batsu?"  
"Nah, I think Hinata kind of digs him." Sakura replied. "So, who's your opponent today?"  
"Some kick boxer I've heard about." Dan said. "All I know is that this champs supposed to be friends with Terry Bogard & this Ryo guy I met a year ago."  
"So, it's King?"   
"Nah, can't be. She already had a match with Chun Li yesterday. Love to know who it is so I can show him the true might of Saikyo-Ryu!!" Dan held his fist in the air as Sakura thought to herself "Can this insanity get any worse today?"  
"YOSHA!!!" Dan turned to see a man with wild hair in kickboxing shorts a few feet away. He taped up his fists as Sakura muttered "I had to open my mouth."

Joe Higashi smiled as he continued to tape his fists up, carefully evaluating his opponent. "Geez, I thought Andy had bad fashion sense, but YOU... who in their right minds wears a neon pink gi?" he laughed.  
"It's a family tradition." Dan frowned. "Speaking of bad fashion sense, what kind of haircut is THAT? Maybe if you dye your hair blond you could pass yourself off as that bishounin wanna be Benimaru  
"Eck, please don't remind me of him." Sakura moaned. She had been in a match with the aforementioned fighter...& his rather, well, PATHETIC attempts to woo her before the match nauseated (sp) her. A lot.   
"In case you didn't know, I'm the top fighter in all of Muay Thai kickboxing!" Joe boasted, "There ain't another kick boxer out there who is better than me!"  
"Yeah, well except for Sagat. And Adon. And King. And DeeJay. Gee, I hope I didn't forget anyone." Dan smirked.   
"Heh, you should talk!" Joe retorted. "Whoever heard of this 'Saikyo-Ryu' nonsense anyway? You probably won your matches because the other fighters got bored & took pity on you."  
"This coming from a guy who used to moon people in the middle of his fights." Sakura said to herself.  
"Alright, you can talk some good smack." Dan smiled. "Now let's see if you got enough power to back it up." Dan fastened his fighting gloves on as Joe put on his headband & said "Saku saku ikuze!"  
As the crowd gathered to watch, Dan got into his fighting stance, totally prepared. Joe raided both of his fists in the air & had his right leg lifted slightly from the ground. Dan slowly paced his way to his opponent, trying to decide what Joe should be hit with first. As Dan kept a wary eye out for Joe's legs, Joe started throwing fast jabs at Dan's head, which he narrowly avoided & parried away. 'He's quicker than I thought.' Dan thought. 'And even though I'm blocking those jabs, they feel like small bricks. Let's see if he's just as fast dodging.'  
Dan came back with a few rapid jabs of his own, almost hitting Joe in the jaw. Joe merely smiled as he said "Not bad. You're not as weak as I originally heard. Course, I'll still mop the floor with you." Suddenly, Joe threw a hard right hook at Dan, connecting with his jaw, but at the same time, Dan connected with his own left hook, catching Joe totally by surprise. (10 points to anyone who knows where I got this from!) Both fighters staggered back as Joe cursed to himself, thinking 'Damn! He's trickier than I thought! Well, no more holding back.' As Dan shook off the effects of the right cross, Joe connected with a swift roundhouse to Dan's ribs. Smirking, Joe threw another aimed for Dan's head. At the last second, Dan rolled backwards & while crouching, screamed "Ousha!"  
Joe, feeling rather irritated, yelled "Baka! Just what the hell were you doing?"  
"You may be a champion at kickboxing...BUT THERE IS ONLY ONE SUPREME MASTER OF TAUNTING & IT SURE AIN'T THE ROCK!!" Dan squalled as the crowd giggled at his jest to Joe. Sakura snickered as she said "That's his funniest one yet." Joe, iritated, noticed that Dan was still crouching. Jumping quickly, Joe made a diving kick at Dan.  
"Sucker."  
With shocking speed, Dan rose in the air, hitting Joe with his own version of the Dragon Punch as he yelled "KORYUKEN!" At he height of his jump, Joe back flipped & landed on his feet to be greeted by...a picture on Dan autographed & lying on the ground.  
"Just how many of those damn things do you have?" Sakura yelled out to him."  
"Do you REALLY want the answer to that question?"  
"Err, on second thought...just keep on fighting."

"We're quite the funny guy aren't we?" Joe said as he tossed the photo aside.   
"Hey, that's part of the fun of my matches!" Dan answered. "Might as well let the audience have a good chuckle out of it."  
"Heh, very well. Shall we continue?" Very quickly, Joe came in & before Dan could guard against it, Joe hit him with a flurry of rights, lefts & uppercuts, all connecting in the ribs & abs. As Dan was sent reeling from the last hit, he was hit on the top of his head by an overhead elbow. "Now watch this flows...TIGER KICK!" Joe hit Dan with a rising knee smash, which sent him flying back. To make the damage minimal, Dan rolled back & quickly rose on his feet.   
"SLASH KICK!!"  
Dan barely sidestepped as Joe flew past him with his number one trademark move. As Joe turned to face Dan, he was met with a move that even Dan knew wasn't too useful.  
"Gadoken!"  
Joe was hit square in the face as a small fireball made contact. "And what...in the hell...WAS THAT!!" Joe yelled out.   
"A ki attack, silly! It also has its uses around the house, especially cleaning the TV." As Dan did Chun Li's silly win pose, everyone sweat dropped as Sakura muttered "Silly baka..."  
Then out of nowhere, a huge ghostlike face ominously hovered over the whole set, which was apparently Chun Li. "DAN HIBIKI!!" she boomed "YOU STILL DARE USE ONE OF MY TAUNTS? WE'RE GONNA HAVE A LONG TALK AFTER THIS FIGHT BUCKO!!"   
"Who the heck is that?" Joe cried.  
"Oh, its just Chun Li. Dan said. "Don't mind her, it's just that the author has a demented sense of humor."  
"Thank you Dan, you just broke the 4th wall."  
"Opps. OK, now where were we? Oh, right."   
Joe grinned as he wiped off his face. "So, you wanna see a real ki attack, huh? Watch this." Throwing an uppercut, Joe yelled out "TIGER UPPER!" a mini tornado was launched out in Dan's direction. As Dan jumped over, Joe smiled, as he threw out the second one. This one made contact as Dan was sent flying back onto the ground. Staggering up, Dan thought to himself 'OK, he's fast & he's very strong. NOW WHAT, genius?'  
"Got ya on the run, Danny boy! ORA!" Jumping around, Joe used an attack that was similar to Terry's Crack Shot, where the main hitting point was the heel of Joe's foot. However, Joe did not count on Dan rolling underneath it. As he landed on the ground, Dan launched himself in the air & screamed out "DANKYUKYUAKU!!" hitting Joe with three hits. At the last second, the story was interrupted by--an Old School Lesson!!  
  
(Cut to a classroom in The Old School of Fighting. Raizo stands next to a chalkboard with some notes on joystick movements & portraits of Dan & Joe.)  
  
Raizo: Hello students & welcome. Today on Fighting Fundamentals 1 on one, we discuss the differences between Dan's 'Dankyukyuaku' & Ryo's 'Hienshipukyaku '. Both are flying kicks class, but unlike Dan's, Ryo's only hits twice. In addition, Ryo's attack motions have been changed. In the past, you had to do a half circle back to perform the kick while now in CVS, you need only charge back & release. Dan's attack can be done anywhere in the battlefield, allowing for maximum efficiency. Any questions?  
Strider Taylor: Hey, I gotta finish this here!  
Raizo: Oh, very well. Tomorrow, we will discuss methods of using Samurai Shodown character Nakoruru to hand turtlers their asses on a silver platter as well as tracking down thieves in Phantasy Star Online & beating them to a bloody pulp. Good day!  
  
(Ok, enough of that silliness. Where was I...)  
  
"Hold me closer, Taylor & never let go!" Sakura smiled as Taylor held her in his embrace--  
  
ACCKKK!!! HOW IN KAMI-SAMA'S NAME DID THAT FILE GET IN THERE? One moment please…

"Can we PLEASE finish this insane story?" Joe yelled out, waving his hands at the sky in anger. "This is almost as insane as a episode of Tenchi Muyo!!"  
"Well, I'm just full of surprises, aren't I?" Dan smiled. Joe grinned & said "Well, I got just one more surprise for ya, gabby!" Quickly rolling up to Dan, Joe's eyes glowed red as he screamed out "SCREW UPPER!!" A huge red glowing tornado erupted & launched Dan into the air, far out of sight of anyone. As the huge ki attacked disappeared, Joe laughed, saying "YOSHA!! So much for Saikyo-Ryu! It ain't nothing compared to my kickboxing funk!"   
Sakura just face faulted, saying to herself "Why did I ever come here today to begin with...."  
However, Joe's triumph was short lived as he felt someone tapping on his shoulder, saying "Uh uh uh. You know what they say when you ASSume." Joe turned around just as Dan hit him with a huge flurry of all his attacks as he yelled out "COMPLETE VICTORY RELYING ON NOTHING BUT MY FISTS!!!" Joe was hit hard with everything in the air as Dan launched him into the air with a final uppercut. Landing on the ground, Dan reared back & prepared to hit Joe with one last fist...& totally missed. Dan's jaw dropped as he said "I could never finish this off properly." Fortunately, Joe was in no condition to fight, so the match was over.  
"Oi, nice work Hibiki." Sakura smiled "Yes, it was." Dan replied. "I totally respect you & everything Joe...BUT NOW YOU KNOW THAT NOT EVEN KICKBOXING CAN STAND UP TO THE MIGHT OF SAIKYO-RYU!! Not even Kyokugenryo karate can stand up to me!"  
Suddenly, Ryo Sazaki came out of nowhere, bopping Dan in the head while saying "EXCUSE me? I've earned more money than you, dopey! At least my fighting style is respected & not considered a joke!"  
"Excuse me, but when was the last time YOU took out Sagat? Did YOU train with Ryu & Ken? At least I have a girlfriend, mofo!"  
"Who in their right minds would date you?" Ryo looked at Sakura...& got a fist in the face.   
"Check it out!" Dan smiled, pulling out a picture of Ruby Heart in the authors most blatant, self serving way to impress Onikirimaru & get more readers.  
"INJUSTICE!" screamed out Wufei, who for various reasons unknown to the writer got in the story. "The public does not need to endure such insane drivel. The audience must learn about JUSTICE!!! Besides Wushu totally rules."  
"IN YOUR DREAMS, GUNDAM BOY!" Joe yelled as he got up. "Kick boxers hold all the best titles."  
"Excuse me gentlemen." All the guys turned to see Sagat standing by. "While you all may be good fighters & everything...I'LL STILL PUT THE SMACKDOWN ON ALL YOUR CANDY ASSES" Sagat boomed as he performed his Tiger Genocide at level 3 & launched all the fighters into a nearby wall. Dan, Joe, Ryo & that damn Wufei all groaned in pain as Sagat stood laughing, saying "None can conquer my might."  
"...messatsu..."  
"What the...wait a minute, doesn't Akuma say 'ME SUIT'?"  
Unfortunately, as Sagat turned around, he was treated to seeing Sakura, now Dark Sakura, teleport next to him. A few seconds later, Sagat was laid out by her version of Son Goku Satsu.  
"THIS IS NOT RIGHT!!" Akuma yelled out as he arrived on the scene. "There is NO WAY that Ryu stalker can know my best move. Besides, she totally lacks style & is not as powerful as ME SUIT!"  
  
20 seconds later...  
  
Akuma groaned in pain as he joined Dan & the others on the wall. As Sakura stood alone, Ryu came out & said "What the hell happened here? Looks like a tornado hit." Sakura grabbed Ryu's hand & said "You are taking me shopping & to the movies. NOW."  
"Ok." Ryu said, since he noticed her grip was demonically strong. As they walked off, all the other fighters groaned as Dan muttered "Oh...my...God...."  
  
(Bonus 20,000 points to anyone who can guess which anime that came from.)

Ryu laughed as Sakura relayed the tale of Dan's match with Joe, which would seem rather uncharacteristic of him, but come on, even HE has a sense of humor. "He used those damn photos AGAIN? His ego's still outta control." Ryu smiled. "Well, at least he took some of my advice & put some of his brain power towards the fight. Speaking of Dan, what's the deal with that?"  
Sakura looked at where Ryu pointed. Dan, after prying himself off the wall, was running at top speed, as closely pursuing him was Chun Li, who had a Buddha statue in her arms. A very LARGE Buddha statue.  
"DAN HIBIKI, COME BACK HERE & TAKE YOUR PUNISHMENT LIKE A MAN!!" she screamed.  
"Leave me alone, you psycho! Why don't you go stalk Bison or something?" Dan retorted. How Bison heard this, no one knows, but he comes in & immediately head stomps Dan, yelling "Don't involve me in this argument, wimp!"  
A few seconds later, both were launched into the air as Chun Li said "GO TO HELL, THE BOTH OF YOU!"  
Sakura looked at the scene, a sweat drop on her forehead. Turning to the waitress, she said "Double espresso with extra caffeine. NOW."  
Ryu, sweat dropping himself, said "Make it two."

End!

Heero: Not Quite.

(Takes out Self Destruct Switch, but when it's activated, Dorothy jumps all over Relena & starts making out with her.)

Heero: What the—(Relena& Dorothy begin groping. Kairi comes out) 

Kairi: There Aciel Skadi!! Are you happy? Happy? Happy?! 

The Real End!


End file.
